A Little Bit of Me

An Inner Battle

2010-05-03T02:46:00.000-07:00

So, lately I've been keeping a journal on my computer for more privacy purposes since I tend to vent a lot in my journal and I'd prefer to keep my monstrous side to myself. However, every once in a while I write something that I don't mind sharing (sometimes after time has passed). And since a mission is quite a big part of my life right now, this is among the first of my journal excerpts that I am willing to post...

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An excerpt from December 13th, 2009:

And then there’s the whole mission thing. I want to go. I don’t want to go. I want to teach the gospel and watch peoples’ eyes light with understanding. I am terrified to be away from home for so long. No, only for 6 months longer than I have been away from home this year. But I can’t talk to my parents and siblings weekly like I do here. But I can write. And they can write. But what are the chances that my brothers and sister will write? After all, I hardly wrote to my brothers. But Ashley said she would write. She said it might be fun to have a Pen Pal again. But she’s in college, and works, and may not have time. ...Maybe I’m getting my hopes up. But maybe not.

But what about the Narcolepsy? I know that I will fall asleep right when I get to someone’s house. I will fall asleep during lessons. I will fall asleep during scripture study—both personal and companion. I will fall asleep during prayer. I’ll be walking like a zombie, none comprehensive of anything around me. I’ll fall asleep during zone meetings, church, and everything in between.

But there are always priesthood blessings. There are blessings just from the fact that I’m a missionary. My family will get blessings. I will be able to present the blessing of the gospel to people. I will learn. And grow. But I will be pushed beyond my limits. But they won’t be beyond my limits because Heavenly Father would not give me something I can’t handle. But it scares the crap out of me. But what about the blessings. But I’m so scared of everything. What about the food? I’m a picky eater. And what if Eric gets married while I’m gone? But this is one way of getting my endowments so that I can go to the temple. And I want them. But I want to see Eric come out of the temple with his bride. And I want to know her before Eric marries her. But if he doesn’t get married while I am gone, then I’ll be able to be in the temple when he does get married. And when Lynz gets married, then I’ll be able to go through the temple with her. And I’ll be able to be there when she gets married. Whether I’m married or not.

But I’m scared. I don’t know if I’m supposed to go. But I have time. Time to decide after I get home.

But I look at this and say to myself, “You moron. You have your answer. Look at what you’re writing. Not to mention the fact that you’re blubbering like Niagara Falls.”

But I retaliate with “yeah, but am I ready? And I haven’t been doing my scripture study, or been too diligent in my prayers. And I hate going to things like firesides and stuff after I get home from church. Will I be able to handle everything else a mission entails? Is this really the spirit telling me to go?”

And an inner voice that I’m trying to ignore keeps saying, “Duh.”

“But I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“I don’t know. Everything. Being alone.”

“But you’re not alone.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you scared?”

“I don’t know. People rejecting the gospel.”

“But what about those will accept?”

“I know…”

“So... You have your answer? Because it looks to me like God has forethought all of your fears and has already told you all of the answers.”

“I know.”

“So, is that a yes?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.”

And that’s when I stop. Because I can’t keep arguing. Because I think I know the answer, but I need to be at home so that I can talk with my parents and the bishop and everyone else that will tell me to go.

Because fear keeps asking me, “Are you supposed to go?"

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This inner battle is quite a bit more extensive than what I wrote here, but when I was writing I was crying like crazy and I had a million thoughts racing through my head. So, that's my excuse if things don't quite flow logically and for not listing the other half of my concerns. I promise that in my head, things made a lot more sense.

25 Random Things

2009-01-27T18:37:00.000-08:00

This was actually an assignment passed on from facebook. We are supposed to write 25 things and then pass it on to 25 people. I'm bored, so I'm going to write 25 things, but I probably won't pass it on. Feel free to do it though.

1. I prefer mountains over trees.

2. I used to suck my thumb.

3. My favorite disney princess is Belle.

4. I want to write for a living.

5. I want to get married in the Salt Lake City Temple.

6. I love the mythology behind star constellations.

7. My worst fear is getting a parasite (again).

8. I am related to my roommate through my great great great great great grandfather.

9. I work in Disney's Animal Kingdom.

10. If a cure was discovered for Narcolepsy, I think I would be afraid of being "normal".

11. My family history can be traced through english royalty.

12. I hate it when people laugh and joke around about farting and burping.

13. I used to have an enormous crush on John Travolta when I was 10ish.

14. I love cranking up the volume while watching TV and movies.

15. My favorite chick flicks are Ever After & Stardust, and my favorite TV show is Stargate SG-1

16. I have thought about being a graphics design major and a history major, but english won.

17. I still keep in contact with my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Wunder.

18. Someday I want to travel around the world and visit castles and historical places.

19. I have known my best friend since the 2nd grade. (We weren't best friends until High School though.)

20. I hate it when people bash the English language, and then go on and on about how much better and easier to learn another language is.

21. I have five American Girl dolls- Samantha, Kirsten, Felicity, Kit, and Josefina.

22. I love the medieval time era- both the realistic and fantastic sides.

23. I have a difficult time reading books that are recommended to me or books that are on bestseller lists

24. I am making a list consisting of all the books I want to read- many of which are the classics of classics

25. I am very crafty. I love scrapbooking, cross stitching, coloring, etc.

Walt Disney World- Blending in with the scenery

2009-01-06T19:38:00.000-08:00

Walt Disney World-- A place of magic. A place of dreams. A place of legacy. A place of opportunity. A place of standard.

In Disney World, more than 70,000 cast members (employees) work to make WDW a magical place. When guests are there, the world revolves around them. This is their experience. It is their opportunity to feel the magic that WDW was made to reveal. And the best part is- we, as cast members, know that. We know that there is a reason for everything that we do; some purpose that we are fulfilling.

As I have begun my journey to become a cast member in WDW, there have been certain things that have become very apparent to me. Granted, I haven't even begun my work training yet, but the evidence of magic in the making is still there.

The first and foremost thing I have learned comes from something so incredibly simple: the "Disney Look", or in other words, WDW's dress and grooming standards.

When the WDW recruiters came to BYU-Idaho to give the intro. presentation, they began skimming through many of the Disney Look slides. In their eyes, because BYUI already has such a strict dress code, it wasn't necessary to go in depth about tattoos, smoking, drinking, body piercing, modesty, etc. To us, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it's just the way things are. It was all good information that we were provided with, but since we already followed at least half of the standards, the recruiter just gave us a simple reminder of what they were.

The half that we don't recognize in our school dress code, to me, just emphasizes how much WDW really is all about the guests. The Disney Look was designed specifically to avoid bringing attention to us cast members. So, in addition to most of the dress code BYUI students comply with (no ratty clothing, no tank tops/sleeveless shirts, no more than one set of earrings, no cleavage/midriff showing, standards determining length of clothing and hair, etc.), there are also rules that determine hair, hair accessories, make up, jewelry, nail length, fabric color/design, and much more.

Cast members are meant to "blend in with the scenery". We are there to serve and help create the magic. I would say that we are to be part of the amusement, which in one way or another is what we do. But not because we wear flashy clothing and jewelry; and not because we try to make ourselves stand out. We don't feel the need to show who we are by "expression through clothing". We find satisfaction in being part of the magic and making it happen.

The way I see it, there are three things that make Walt Disney World magical. First, there is the simple, unique scenery that WDW portrays- the different cultures, the futuristic ideas, and the fairy tale stories. Then there are the cast members- those who provide the quality service, the friendly smiles, and the ambition to make dreams come true. And finally, there are those with the hopes and dreams of little children, those who want to experience the magic of their dreams, and those who simply want to feel important and noticed- the guests.

And the funny thing is, all we as cast members have to do is smile and follow some simple rules. While in return, cast members leave with great experience, a fantastic resume, and a little imprint of Disney pressed into their heart.

The Monster of Long Blinks

2008-12-29T11:24:00.000-08:00

It all began in fourth grade. I honestly don’t remember a whole lot-- just enough to piece together a story. Mom says that she first noticed it when I would come home from school. I would plop onto the couch and be out. My limp arms would still be through the straps of my blue backpack.

My teacher, Miss Cummings, called my mom to express concern that I was falling asleep during class—a habit very contrary to my energetic, obnoxious, happy self.

Our first reactions were to make sure that I was eating healthier meals and getting plenty of sleep at night. But when that wasn’t enough, we decided a visit to the doctor might solve the problem. We went to several. The general consensus was that it wasn’t worth doing anything as long as my grades were okay. They told us that unless my grades began to take a turn for the worse, it wasn’t worth spending the money to have tests done. So, we went on.

Over time, I learned it was pointless to try to play video games. I would always jolt awake to the “you just died” music. And for awhile it wasn’t unusual to hear me shouting at my brothers, arguing with them that I was watching a show that I had actually fallen asleep to five minutes earlier. We also had shouting matches about the front seat of the car. I had called shotgun, but my brothers would demand to know why I wanted it if I was just going to shutdown in the front seat anyway. It usually took less than five minutes for me to be unconscious in the car. After awhile, my parents began to tell me that I wasn’t allowed to sit in the front if I was going to fall asleep. I would promise that I would stay awake, but it was difficult to remain faithful when I was already fighting a losing battle. Eventually I learned that there wasn’t any point in arguing for the front seat. So I stopped calling shotgun as often.

My family would get a lot of amusement out of me, which we still laugh about today. One particular time my family was trying to keep me from falling asleep, but it obviously wasn’t working. They would say, “Gina! Don’t fall asleep,” or they would warn me, “Gina! You’re falling asleep again!” I got so fed up that my retort was, “No I’m not! I’m just taking long blinks!” It just made me angrier when they burst out laughing.

For eight years I just dealt with the Monster of Long Blinks. My grades were hardly ever affected by it, so we didn’t worry. In eleventh grade though, a situation took place in which we had to re-evaluate my situation. One of my teachers, Mr. Oliphant, had a reputation for squirting students with a squirt gun when they fell asleep in his class. This terrified me. I knew that I was bound to fall asleep in his class because I couldn’t even stay awake in the classes that I loved. By this time, I really could have cared less if he squirted me, it was the embarrassment of getting squirted time and time again that really bothered me. So, the first day of class I stayed behind in the classroom while everyone else went to lunch. I went up to Mr. Oliphant and explained that I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stay awake during his class because I couldn’t stay alert in any of my classes. He response was that I needed a note from my parents, which eventually made it’s way to the school nurse, who called my mom and said that she needed documentation.

So the diagnosis process began. I went to a sleeping clinic where I was turned into a living robot with at least 15 wires attached to at least my legs, arms, temples, and jaw. I was stuck there for roughly 20 hours. I was allowed to sleep through the night, but when they woke me up the nurse said I was only allowed a 20 minute nap every 2 hours. This was basically a lie though, because the second that I fell into the Rapid Eye Movement (REM) stage, they woke me up.

For a normal human being, it usually takes roughly 90 minutes to fall into the REM stage of sleep. For a Narcoleptic, it usually takes less than 90 seconds to fall into the REM stage during the day. At night, it takes the normal 90 minutes.

When I found out that the monster’s real name was Narcolepsy, I was relieved to know that we did have a diagnosis because that means there is a treatment. However, even more than relief, I thought it was hilarious. Of all of the things we thought it could have been, Narcolepsy was the last on my list of suspicions. It seemed too extreme, too unreal. Yet here I am.

A little bit of me with scribbles on the side

2008-12-29T09:35:00.000-08:00

There isn't much to say in a first blog except, I suppose, the reason that one has decided to create a blog. Here is my reason: an author needs to write and while writing comes so naturally to some, it doesn't always to me. So, if you have the time and desire, read my blogs and get to know a little bit of me.

Oh, and aspiring authors need criticism in the positive and negative, and sometimes just comments for the heck of it. So scribble me notes!